Ignorance

I went to the dentist a few weeks ago. It was on a Friday afternoon, after waking up at 4am, watching my heart rate closely through a Spinning class at 5am and then working for 8 hours. I was exhausted! It wasn't like a sleepy exhausted. It was a complete, all out fatigue that made me not even want to speak. I drove slow, walked slow, and sat down to be called in.

Because of the risks, I made sure to remember to tell my hygienist that I could not have xrays done because I am pregnant. She seemed to be excited - I'd never had this hygienist before, so I had a burst of energy to say that it's identical twins! Of course, like every other person, she launches into stories about how the hygienist next to her had a cousin who had a friend who had a brother who had twins... wow. So she calls over the other hygienist. "Hey - She's having twins!" This compact little woman came over and says "Really? I know someone who had twins...." (and here's the kicker and the reason for my blog) "So... " as she leans in, speaking in kind of a whisper... "Did you take medicine?"

My inner hormonal monologue -
WHAT???? No, my beautiful identical twins were NOT the product of medicine... and if they were, little Miss THANG, it would be NONE of your business. And please tell me, if I had taken medicine, does that mean that my "medicinal" twins would be any less wonderful? Any less of a gift from God? As if people who take medicine are taking advantage of it, as if us "infertile myrtles" CHOOSE to have to take medicine to even imagine being able to conceive. Yes, please give me hormonal medicines that make my uterus blow up with air and fluid, give me night sweats, make me scream at innocent bystanders and want to physically harm my husband.

Luckily, I put on my poker face and filtered my thoughts - after all, this ladies friend was going to be inside of my mouth with all sorts of metal instruments in a few minutes.

So I said, "No, they are identical." And opened my mouth to allow the poking and prodding to commence.

You know, if I hadn't went through fertility treatments prior to being pregnant, I may have thought a lot like this woman. She had no concept of just how awful infertility is. How it is a medical issue, not a mental or emotional one. It's not a choice - it's the cards that we were dealt. It seems that all of the controversy over one insane woman who had 8 children as the result of fertility treatments blanket the rest of "us" with the same psychological issues. Totally unfair. So maybe, we are being called to talk. To talk about our life experiences so that we can educate, with patience, those who don't know what it's like to go through what we have been/are going through. Instead of these cases leading us to continue to put rifts between God's children, we should use those situations to talk. To talk things out. Unfortunately, I might have dropped the ball on this opportunity. Perhaps my honest internal reaction, with some filtering, would have been a good thing to share? So let's rewind here:

"So.... Did you take medicine?"

"Actually, we had taken medicine and it didn't work - for many months. Then we had to take a month off of the medicine and that happened to be the month that we got pregnant! You know (you crazy lady whom I am trying really hard not to feverishly dislike right now... oops, wait, that's not what I'm trying to do here...) infertility is the single most difficult thing that I have ever had to deal with. It's an awful feeling to know that you were created to bring forth life, and it's just not happening like we think it should. I would be just as happy, and just as blessed, if I had taken medicine to help us conceive. It's amazing how much doctors can do to help those of us who aren't as lucky as having sex one night and being pregnant the next. I think it's very important to understand just how difficult infertility is and to support and love those who are going through it as much as we can. I don't expect anyone to fully understand the magnitude unless they experienced it first hand."

and PS Don't EVER ask a pregnant woman with multiples that question EVER again. Because they might not be as nice, and they might just punch you in the throat. :)

As a side-note, they must have also looked in my file and at Mike's file, because while my hygienist lady had her hands in mouth, she asks, "So, is this your husbands first child, too?" WHAT?? I answered "yyyyyyyyyyyes...." and she says "Oh, I just noticed that your husband was a lot older than you. Are you his first wife or his second wife?"

Yea, your ignorance is NOT my bliss.